Black couch podcast
The Black Couch Podcast addresses psychological issues that impact daily life, including difficulties in relationships with ourselves and others, psychological disorders, co-parenting, black tax, and spirituality. Hosted by Nompumelelo Prudence Kubeka, a clinical psychologist and traditional healer, the show provides insight into mental health rather than serving as a substitute for therapy. It aims to encourage listeners to consider starting therapy and to understand the cultural and personal dimensions of wellbeing.
Episodes
Rejection is not an invitation for you to work harder
Sometimes we fear rejection, that every time it presents itself we feel we need to over function to keep the person or an opportunity or a job that we end up losing ourselves. Sometimes rejection redirects us home to ourselves and sometimes it teaches us that we were always good enough without working harder. Love and light.
Accountability: The mirror we avoid
How often do we hold ourselves accountable? How often do we acknowledge our mistakes? How much of the things that we do have that have turned into a pattern?How often do we hold others accountable? Or have we learnt to make them so comfortable because we are scared of them rejecting us. How much of our own behaviours are we enabling and also that of others.This episode allows us to look at ourselv
You cannot over-love someone into staying (Polygamist Netflix series reflections)
Based on the polygamist Netflix series . It reminds us that you cannot over-love someone into staying . Reevaluate how you have shown love , how you receive love and also how hard you have worked to earn love . Our patterns of life experiences also contribute to how we resonate with toxicity from people we choose to have relationships with , whether its family , friends , romantic partners . Thr
Not everything is spiritual ,check your nervous system
This episode explores African spirituality, particularly how we often view traumatic life experiences as spiritual lessons rather than mere events requiring healing.
Why do people/adults overshare ?
This episode speaks about adults that over shame. They have not learned thethe necessary boundaries to keep personal intimate information to themselves without asking for external validation. This is at times driven by anxiety to always fill in silent spaces. It is also driven by a desire to connect and be understood. Enjoy love and light
I have never been happy ….
Happiness is not a destination and we loose out on beautiful moments because we are waiting to reach a destination. At times our happiness cups don’t get full because we keep thinking achieving or moving from one thing to another will finally bring us joy . We spend years search for external happiness when we should be looking within and practically learning what makes us happy . Sad moments come
What makes people in healthy relationships and marriages stay in them?
This episode is based on healthy relationships and marriages and why people stay in them. It also speaks to common values, principles, long-term goals, realising that your partner is evolving. Long-term marriages and relationships allows for your partner to be imperfect as long as they are not abusive. It is not your partner‘s full responsibility to make you happy. It’s also about consciously maki
Dealing with a toxic boss
This episode is about a toxic work environment. Dealing with a toxic boss , being micromanaged, constantly criticism, over worked beyond your job description and more . Coping skills in a toxic work environment, boundary setting and self care .
An emotionally disregulated adult with temper tantrums
This episode looks at an adult that did not learn how to regulate their emotions . Where did this all start? The importance of a primary caregiver that is emotionally regulated. How can an adult learn how to self regulate so they are not a reactive .
Navigating a new diagnosis
This. Episode speaks about discovery that you have a new diagnosis . Learning how to grief your old body without the diagnosis and acknowledging the existence of the new diagnosis and loving your body through it .
The survival mode of a people’s pleaser
This episode speaks about how people pleasers are on survival mode that them at times showing may be a means of not only control but also anxiety of being rejected or feeling guilty .
Understanding the season you are in and positioning yourself accordingly
This episode speaks about understanding the season you are in so you find the discipline to go through it . How your vision / action board should also align to the season you are in . Enjoy love 🤍 and light 🕯️
Ancestral calling and psychotherapy
Defining the ancestral calling , how it affects an individual’s mental health. How to deal with having a calling . The ego vs the self when gifted . Do traditional healers believe in God? Can you have a mental illness while gifted ? Taking a bit of a break from the podcast to recharge see you in a month or two . Love and light .see you soon
Black Tax and Depression
This episode is based on black tax and how it emotionally affects bread winner . Bread winner often feel they are showing up for everyone , helping family members live their lives while theirs is procrastinated . The struggle to set boundaries as they carry a lot of survival guilt . Most pattern breakers and bread winners may be parentified children.
Grief is an expression of love.
This episode speaks about grief and how the pain we feel keeps us connected to the people we have lost . It shows us that the reason we feel so much pain is because our love is as deep . The deeper the love , the greater the grief . It is okay to also grief people we ended up resenting it’s an expression of hope that was never fulfilled. It’s also okay to grieve something we initiated the ending o
But you didn’t know better at that time …
Sometimes we are very hard on ourselves when we realise the things or experiences we have put our unhealed selves through . It is important to understand that you didn’t know better at that time . You survived with the information you have according to our environment and how you were raised. So once you realise that some of the things you put yourself through were self inflicted be kind and gentl
Behind the fragile walls of vulnerability is connection
Sometimes we want to connect but we have not learnt on how to be vulnerable with ourselves or others. We are scared that we are not worthy of deep connections and our authentic selves will be rejected by the world . We haven’t learnt to be comfortable with our own imperfections hence we don’t feel deserving of deep connections . Vulnerability comes with connecting with self before connecting with
How realistic are our new year’s resolutions
Happy new year !!! What New Year’s resolutions have you set for yourself ? How realistic are they when it comes to your resources , finances and plans ? What didn’t you achieve that you want t carry over to 2025? Social media new year’s resolutions do they resonate with you ? . New year , new me ? Is it really new me ?or a flowing self into the new year while evolving . Consistency and discipline
Festive season depression
It’s the most wonderful time of the year (singing) …Wellnot for everyone . Some people it is a sad season of the year caused by grief , family dynamics , loneliness, financial pressure etc . We need to normalise that is it okay not to be okay during December time . It’s okay not to meet up to people expectations of wearing a mask and pretending to be happy when you are going through a lot . Self c
Emotional monitoring as a trauma response
Emotional monitoring is a state of hyper vigilance that someone would have as a way of protecting themselves from potential rejection . They would constantly ask if others are “okay “ if they are mad and then try to meet up to everyone’s needs . They do not get to know their authentic selves as they are too preoccupied with compulsive care taking of others . Enjoy …..
Emotional, experiential and Trauma hijacking ….. emotional vomiting
This episode speaks about how to differentiate between giving someone space to vent without emotionally hijacking their experience or trauma and making it about ourselves . How shared experiences help with healing and also setting boundaries with emotional vomiters .
The human behind the mental disorder
It’s the last day of mental health month !!!This episode is based on understanding the human behind someone who is diagnosed with a mental illness . How to deal with your own mental illness , having a new diagnosis and not over identifying with your diagnosis that you forget to learn self . Your mental illness is just a part of you and not your whole self . Define it for yourself before the whole
South African perspective of being a woman
This podcast speaks about celebrating women’s day in South Africa . What it meant in 1956 on the 9th August when the march occurred . What does it mean to be a South African woman now. Are we still rocks or soft ? . We are still oppressed as women in South Africa in different ways most of all we are not as liberated because we are being killed and we don’t have a soft landing because we are taught
Dating vs being in a relationship
This episode speaks about understanding the concept of dating and how it is beneficial to get to know self in relation to others. Dating allows you to understand certain concepts that still need work so you don’t date the same package in different people. It’s easy to form an illusion of a relationship when you don’t know where you stand when you are vibing with someone . Bread crumbing can also c
Indoda must : Men’s mental health
This episode speaks about the African phrases that are used to describe men that then deprives them on acknowledging their vulnerability and also that they are emotionally beings.
People Pleasers and fixers
This episodes speaks about people pleaser and fixers . Their emotional unavailability to themselves . Their resentment towards self for over extending themselves . How they have defined the function to people around them . Recovering from people pleasing and going for therapy.
The human in healers
Understanding the human in healers that they cannot always be accessible as they also need to take care of themselves to still serve . Healers also have lives and exist outside of the role of being healers . Healers also need to recharge and live and just be.
Being a good enough parent & being a mother of an angel
This episode speaks about the mental health of mothers that try to be perfect in their parenting as opposed to being a good enough parent . Mothers have kids with a mental illness .It also speaks about mothers that have lost their babies through still birth and miscarriages . Mothers that have chosen not to keep their babies through abortion . The grieving of their babies .
I would not date myself
Sometimes we look for qualities in other people that we are unable to give to ourselves . So we would then want our partners to over extend themselves even in spaces in a relationship that we need to be stepping in . When you haven’t learnt to give yourself what you ask from others you wouldn’t know how to be your own reference .
How old is your inner child that needs healing
This episode speaks about inner child wounds . How they result in us being the adults that we are . How we navigate the relationship with ourselves and also with others .
I do not believe in therapy .
This episode speaks about the underlying meaning of why people usually say they do not believe in therapy and what therapy really is . Context play a huge role on how we end up defining what therapy really is .
Introduction
Getting to know the host/therapist. Being black dual healer. Why black couch podcast. Please follow on instagram @npk_clinicalpsychologist
